I always had a crush on school teachers or just men that are unavailable/wrong/different.
Relationships have always been 1st in my mind. Never a career.

My 1st relationship was with a much older married man. When I was 17 I had sex for the 1st time. He already had another mistress-more his age- and this made the situation very difficult for me. I never felt good enough, although I stayed with this man for 6 years.
I always wanted to prove to him,myself,others that I could put up with this situation because I needed to be with him.
He never spoke about his mistress, but I would see them together sometimes. I just accepted my role and knew I had no choice.